Yesterday I decided to complete a personal change I started about the time that I was diagnosed...going back to the hair ma nature made for me. It may seem silly, or unimportant, certainly less so than the bigger changes these past months. But I suspect changes like these mean quite a bit to more people than we care to admit. It is an emotional thing, our appearance, and a part of the whole. Addressing all of the things that make us whole is important and it doesn't matter a bit who cares about it other than YOU. We take care of ourselves, that's the real secret.
So here is my transition from half grown out long dyed hair, about the time of my diagnosis (or while I was still gathering bad news), to this morning, lighter by 117.2 pounds, maybe due to a few more ounces of hair. Of course, you've seen it shorter along the way, but this was the final stage, and now is my natural silvery grey.
Just because I have reached what many would say is the ultimate goal, well two of them...the big one and the elephant in the room, healing the liver...and the more personal weight loss, healthy weight goal...doesn't mean I've stopped learning and changing. I still spend each morning scouring different things from philosophers thoughts, to medical journals, to healthy food ideas, recipes and my support groups. I still follow my diet plan, and weigh daily...my good news and healing is so new to me, that I am not quite ready to cut the ties to what has worked so beautifully for the better part of a year. And part of my research was how to deal with my incredibly thinning hair...after having the longest, thickest hair of my life in recent years...it's another form of letting go.
Sometimes when we let go of things that seem silly, they can hit you the hardest. When you work really hard to fight for big changes, sometimes the small ones smack you in the face, sting your eyes, and break your heart. But then when you decide to just look them in the eye and take care of them, you are free. So always be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself time to adjust to everything.
Back to the research piece of this conversation...I'm currently reading my 3rd "quit lit" and this one is my favorite so far. I have written in the past about it being a challenge not only to change the food, but to learn to live in a world without alcohol. So I pop around between self help topics, and this book has hit me in the gut quite a few times. This passage about change got me yesterday, and it applies to so many things in life, I felt it important to share it with you guys too. Health, self respect, patience...it just works almost anywhere.
“Forming a new life is a really, really big deal. As John O'Donohue says in his blessing called "For the Interim Time," It is difficult and slow to become new. It's supposed to be difficult It's supposed to take everything you have. It's supposed to take longer than you want and to change you, completely. This often won't feel good when it's happening, but nothing worth having ever does.”
― Laura McKowen, We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life
Love, Sue
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