Greetings my dear friends and family.
Today my thoughts go to finding the path out of fear. Fear can freeze you. I remember sitting in the corner on the floor of the classroom at age 5 crying, because I was so shy. I didn't have the strength to join the class because I didn't want to be noticed...but guess what? The exact opposite happened.
My initial reaction as my diagnosis unfolded was fear...I was terrified, and yes, I did freeze briefly.
I have been doing a bit of reading since my diagnosis, and quite a bit of that has been how to find a positive, and healthy path which has to start from the brain, this thick head of mine. Here is an example.
What are the 3 laws of attraction and what do they mean to me specifically?
1. Like Attracts Like: what it really means is that our thoughts attract our results. This is simply because what we think about and believe, we tend to do. Our actions then produce the results we have in life. If I wallow in negativity, that is what I will attract, so I need to believe that I can be healthy in order for this to occur.
2. Nature Abhors a Vacuum: how this works is like when you empty your junk drawer and find it full of stuff a few weeks later. This is why Marie Kondo was correct when she said that tidying is life-changing. By creating space in our lives, we easily attract new things. I had to get rid of the negative thoughts in my head to make way for the positive. This also equates to (in a HUGE way) I had to get rid of the food that was hurting me and make way for new, healthy options.
3. The Present is Always Perfect: the trick to activating the third Law of Attraction is to make your current reality as perfect as possible. Neil Pryde taught me this one years ago when I was unhappy at work and complained constantly...he said if you aren't going to do something about it, then I don't want to hear about it. I was hopping mad...but boy was he right! I'm not mad anymore, by the way. So today, that translates to, if I am going to sit in fear and complain about my situation, but never stand up to fix it, it surely won't get fixed.
I had to find my way to the light at the end of the tunnel. At first I could not see it. I didn't know what was wrong, I was afraid, and I felt very alone. Very dark. Each new test brought worse news, which would knock me back down.
But a couple of things happened here that changed my world for the better.
First, I had committed immediately to sign up for a weight loss program which I actually started April 12, two days before my initial diagnosis of fatty liver disease. I was so scared that I dove into learning what I could and could not eat and worked it with the new program. This helped sustain me through the 2nd diagnosis of NASH in late April (learning I had severe scarring that could "lead" to cirrhosis"), and then the final diagnosis of Cirrhosis on June 15th.
Second, I realized that to get through this I needed to fix where my head was at. It wasn't pretty in there, and I was that little 5 year old in the corner of the classroom again. I had only Neil and Penny to help lift me towards the light I was beginning to see (see what I did there?), then our own children added to the mix of support - and that they did, indeed lift me up.
Thirdly, I began to seek out medical information on nutrition and my condition that was reputable. Dr. Google was good and it scared me into action, but it is NOT a reliable source. So I began reading about it on Mayo Clinic, Liver Foundation Sites...made lists for my new specialist to answer instead of guessing. I also do my writing and positive things for myself in the early morning hours before I start my work day or day off (of which this blog is now a part - get the feelings out!).
Fourth, and definitely not the least was to open up and let my friends and family in. When you sit alone in the dark it's really hard to lift yourself out. I had a small little team that helped me immensely in the early days/months, and for them I am eternally grateful. The encouragement, and understanding I received I can never repay. And then I became braver, and let all in. Loving support in our corners is beyond measure. And they are still doing it. You all rock.
So I have been reshaping my reality emotionally and physically since April. No it has not been easy, and I am still very much a work in progress. I have much to learn, but I am a willing student. My mind is open to new methods and paths, and I am determined to avoid anything that can hurt me further.
I thank each of you for the role you play in leading me out of that dark place, I see the beauty beyond, and I have begun to live it better than before. I know I am healing...to the fullest extent that I am capable, and that is always evolving.
Love, Sue
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